You Are A Broken Hope in My Graveyard of Dreams And I Would Eulogize You Forever

 

If I were to tell you the thoughts in my head, I think you’d run away. So I’m going to write them here instead, wishing to ease the pain in my chest. Cause this is my most vulnerable state.

What if I want you and I don’t want to share with the rest of the world? What if the rest of the world caught my eyes at best because staring at your face made me lose my train of thought? What if I lose my train of thought and my words start to jumble like the strings I played in my hand because you’re too intimidating and I’m too nervous to say anything?

What if I hate the way you’re sculptured like some kind of a freaking Greek God? And it doesn’t help with the fact you’re built so vibrant and bright. What if I tell you I’m drowning in an ocean of insecurity and there will be no hands to pull me up?

What if my head is filled with the flashes of your smile? What if the way you laugh at my jokes is my lullaby? What if the way you talk is something I would always admire?

What if you are a broken hope in my graveyard of dreams that I would eulogize forever? What if woeful writings, witless humor, and wilted spirit are all I can offer for you? What if grieving in silence is the only way I can communicate my affection to you?

What if I refuse to talk to you because every time I do, I wouldn’t be able to pull myself out of the idea of us having a non-stop conversation, when maybe you’re too well put together to talk to someone like me? What if your unfinished sentences are the only ones I want to complete? What if your unspoken thoughts are the ones I want to keep?

What if I overthink about the way I misspoke or the fact I missed you the minute I left your side? What if I worry about what you think of me and what that short meeting might bring? What if it didn’t bring me anything but tears?

I spotted snowflakes in your lashes and fireworks in your fingers. And I am the girl with clouds in her eyes and mayhem in her mind. Somehow I know we’re that similar yet a little peculiar, but I’ve still got diamond on my neck and wildflowers in my brain. What if we are not that far apart? Would you consider me again?

I constantly question my self-worth every time I think of you. I loathe the way I crave your validation like the air I breathe. I fear the way I appear speechless in between your grin. So I hid my wishes within pitiful poetry and nonchalant nonsense. While silently cursing Aphrodite for getting in the way of our existence.

Dhila.

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